Influencing. It’s something we do everyday, consciously or unconsciously. And it’s something I’ve forever changed my view about since reading Unbound by Kasia Urbaniak.
The book is all about power – understanding the real dynamics that add or subtract from it, the element of energy (and how that translates into signals in the physical realm) and ultimately how to influence in an ethical way.
It’s led me to examine the notion of consent in more depth, too. Obviously, that’s been a hot topic for awhile now – explicit, enthusiastic consent being the standard, whether in personal interactions, opting in to corporate comms, or anything in between.
If we follow the idea that ‘no’ isn’t a dead end, and it can be the beginning of something else if you get curious about the resistance – why is this okay, permissible, acceptable? Shouldn’t no be respected? What makes it appropriate?
Context, always. No to a matter of bodily autonomy is different from a no when managing stakeholders and driving a project. One is not an invitation to trample and question and push and poke; it is inherently, highly personal, and only affects/pertains to that particular person.. One is a delicate dance between multiple parties, exploring the guardrails and potential grey areas.
Intent matters. Carrying on the same analogy, is it about getting your way, imposing your will, exerting power over another individual? Or is it about designing an outcome that would benefit end users? Is this influence being used for good or evil?
And there’ll be a million other scenarios in the messy middle in between – would love your take on any you’ve encountered in the wild that required some wrestling with.
(Also? Unbound is very much about redressing the gender power imbalance. I don’t think it’s controversial to say that it’s much more radical and less accepted for women to push the boundaries and press a matter; we’re expected to settle and sometimes punished for negotiating. So, for me at least, erring on the side of respectful exploration further represents something bigger, too.)
What else I’m reading
A handy model/framework to use when you’re tasked with spearheading change
Why yes, there is a difference between criticism and helpful feedback
Handy, non-gross phrases to talk yourself up without sounding like an ass
In the age of AI, we need to design for safety more than ever
Going beyond the T-shaped individual - what’s your shape at work, I, Pi, Comb, E?
We’re all pursuing it, but what the hell is happiness, and when and where is it found?
There’s beauty in silent solitude, simply existing with our own thoughts. Here’s how to start